If you're on my friends list, you're important to me. I want you to be safe, healthy, happy, and enjoy life as much as physically possible. If there's any way that I can help alleviate some of life's annoyances and pains, please just comment below. If applicable, post an address that I can send stuff to (doesn't have to be yours, your post office may accept it for you - ref. https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Poste_restante ), tell me what you need, and a package will be on its way.
- Comments are screened for your privacy.
- This offer is valid year-round, not just whenever I post about it.
- Spouses, children, other relatives, close friends, and anyone else you care about are also included in this offer. If they're important to you, they're important to me.
- If you need something not on the list, feel free to ask. Other friends might need it too, and I may make it available for all my friends.
EVERYONE ON MY FRIENDS LIST IS ENTITLED TO:
- NEW: FREE DNA testing (to help diagnose chronic illnesses)
- NEW: FREE Transportation from a dangerous place to a safer location (evacuating from a storm or hostile home environment)
- FREE Nutritious Food Supplies
- FREE Drinking Water purification equipment*
- FREE Medical Examinations
- FREE Influenza Vaccinations
- FREE Eye Examinations
- FREE Prescription Eyeglasses
- FREE MtF and FtM SRS supplies
- FREE Canadian Immigration legal fees**
- FREE Menstrual Cups***
- FREE Condoms, Lube, and Dental Dams****
* If necessary for your health (i.e. allergies, chemical sensitivity) or if local water supplies are not potable
** Must be eligible for Canadian citizenship or Canadian residency, or must be a United Nations Convention Refugee eligible for asylum in Canada.
***If you are cis-female, FtM trans, or otherwise need something to catch blood emitted from an orfice
****A dental dam is something lesbian and bi chicks use for something. It's a girl-on-girl safe sex thing. Also eligible for whoever else knows what to do with them.
Disclaimers that I have been forced to add:
- Offering these or other items to friends in need does not obligate me to purchase you other things that you want.
- Please do not ask me to pay for maintenance of your church building or other religious property.
- Please do not ask me to pay for lawsuits against less-fundamentalist members of your church or other religious organization.
- If I decline to fund your religious group, but will pay for the needs of your multiple kids, it doesn't mean that I am insulting you and your religion.
- Please do not insult the users of things on this list, and state that their needs are less important than your wants.
- Please do not use transphobic, racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted comments when discussing the precedence of your wants over the needs of my friends.
- Even though "everyone says it" in your region, using ethnic slurs about a group and money are not acceptable, and won't get you something not on this list.